The Bear Fight

This is the beginning of my satirical modern novel, or not. However, when I will finish this write up who knows what kind of write up this will be - may be a new form called just blobbing. It was early Friday morning and I went biking again, this time alone. Just to let you know, this summer started nicely for us. We started with walking, and slowly added bikes to our local adventures. We are on the shopping spree for hiking trails, and seems like where we live there are no shortage of walking and biking trails. Where was I? Oh yes, its Friday morning and I am biking. However, the real adventure starts with local bear fight. So here I am in the middle of nowhere, well, somewhere, looks like grassland to me. Sun is up above me. Must be noon time. I don't have a watch - I don't know how this relates to this story. Can you see, I am trying to set the mood. Anyway, the BEAR. Bear can be defined as a furry animal with big head and big claws. What kind of bear, no idea. I am hoping for a grizzly bear. The wilder the better, this could be a real fight. Oh yes, yes, lets go back how it all started. I followed sleep on the couch front of the TV watching some National Geographic documentary, I think it was called the Dog Whisperer. Suddenly I am in the middle of this grassland. I am debating if I should leave this to your imagination, you probably know what happened. Yes she followed sleep and she is dreaming. You are exactly correct. But this story gets better, please don't stop reading. I am standing in the middle of the grassland, how do I know it is middle - I don't, but the middle is better to describe as opposed to North of this White Oak tree and to the left of this burning bush, and on the end who cares. Did I say a burning bush? Yes, a burning bush. So what is the real story about this burning bush, does it really burn? If yes, please someone show me the picture or show me some kind of evidence. Why would you even want to call this bush, a burning bush. I think this bush is not appreciating that we are calling it a burning bush. So I see this bear hovering around the bush, and it must be a burning bush because hell this bush is red. Something wrong, the bush cannot be red yet, its summer. Got yhaaaaa. Let start this again, it all started with the Dog Whisperer show. I recall also that there used to be a horse whisperer and parrot whisperer. Personally, I like the parrot whisperer because she could actually whisper in English. Okay it was few words but they were meaningful, like 'Hello'. And we all know how much it means to us when someone says hello to us. It means a lot, like a lot. Not sure how much a lot is but it means a lot. So this bear finally attacks me and whispers to my ear - 'I am going to get you'. And I am thinking you already have me, and what is this - a bear whisperer, oh no not another show - we do not need another whisperer show, or another reality show. Lets describe this fight now. The bear grabs me from the back and lifts me up, and that really lifted my spirits up. Then he started to spin around. Is he having a good time, do I look like a toy. This reminded me a bear fight on one of the Lucy shows. Just to point out, that bear on the Lucy show was not a real bear. If you saw this show or the bear, I think you will agree, the bear was fake as it can be. Well, I don't care if this was real bear or not, I Love Lucy show a lot. Remember no definition for my 'a lot', but I tell you one thing, I watched this show for two years straight since the discovery of her existence. I think it all started with 50th anniversary of the I Love Lucy show. Sometimes, I think I am like her, but then there are ten other shows and they resembled my life in detail as accurately as the bear fight. Since we are on the bear fight topic or more accurately, I am on the bear fight topic and trying to introduce this Canadian Open 2007 bear fight. May be with this statement in addition to the bear fight I will now have to worry about pack of gophers attacking me. Or they will see the bear and run away, but this is just my imagination in my dream, just another crazy dimension that Albert Einstein would want to get the Nobel Prize for. This man was a genius, a real genius. I like him. I sometimes wonder about his hair due, is it like that because he was fighting a bear? So now I am in the field being spanned by the bear, and Albert Einstein is standing in front of me trying to help, but he is scared as hell. I wonder if he was the one to discover the pepper spray. And I also see this pack of gophers once in the while sticking their heads from the ground, up and down, and up and down - the rolling golf hills can really do that to you. Did you ever see a gopher? If not, go and see it - they are real fun to watch. I think you can find them in Jasper National Park, Alberta, Canada. So the story is getting better now. I am in Jasper National Park with Albert Einstein trying to invent pepper spray really hard on the fly and pack of gophers cheering the whole situation. And I am here thinking - why? Why what? All this is not making any sense. Albert Einstein is long time goner, pepper spray been in circulation for ages, and what are these gophers cheering for, I don't even like golfing. But then this pack of dogs shows up barking at the bear and the bear releases me, and runs away. I think that was a grizzly bear. I got few pillow marks from having my arm under pillow, but all is good now. I am back on my feet turning the TV off and heading for the bedroom. I guess the Dog Whisperer show is now over.

[FICTION]